we offer discounted rates depending on circumstance, please enquire for more information.
A Therapists POV: Rest
A Therapists POV (point of view) on how taking time off to rest can be challenging.
Reservoir Therapy
4/24/20264 min read
I found myself earlier this month in a situation where I needed some time off, I knew that I had to rearrange my schedule to make sure my clients were accommodated, but that seemed to be the easy part. It was the part where I had to rest that didn’t come easy. It was as if I was fighting resting. It led me to feeling that taking time of is hard!
It’s strange because some days after work I would find myself collapsing in a heap, exhausted, and longing for time to rest. Yet when I had it in front of me, I was actively resisting it.
I ended up looking inwards at why I felt this way, and I came up with this feeling of having to “earn” rest, as if it was a reward for hard work and effort, time spent. I know this isn’t the case, I know that rest is a baseline and something that we deserve in order to function and be our best selves. So why was I struggling with this?
One conclusion is my own upbringing and self-concept, there are a few other reasons but one I kept coming back to is that in the modern world it feels like we’re not supposed to take breaks, it’s seen as a character flaw rather than a necessity, or maintenance of the human body.
I can know something to be true and yet putting rest into practice brought feelings of guilt, shame and fear up for me.
“Do I look unreliable? Will the work pile up for when I get back? What will people think of me? Have I worked hard enough to take this time off?”
Another factor is that I love what I do, I love working with people and supporting them when they feel they need it. While I can acknowledge that being a counsellor has it’s perks (my clients will know I don’t do mornings!) as well as a decent wage, it has it’s downsides too. However, being a psychotherapist is part of my identity. I enjoy the structure, the purpose and the people! Could that be stopping me from actively resting?
On some level, yes. I don’t want to be viewed as unreliable to my clients, but as much as this is a career, I care about my clients as people too. I want to make sure they are prepared for my time off and feel supported.
Adding to identity, I know that in my life I have always been asked “What do you do?” in reference to a job or career, and the fact I can say “I am a counsellor” is a proud moment. I know in many cultures your career can be a point of pride, it’s an identifier and it can garner respect due to the praise it receives. This can teach us that we have to earn rest because our career is what we’re important or known for.
I truly believe we’ve forgotten how to rest, with technology ensuring we’re always a click or tap away from instant shopping, engagement and communication – we feel we have to rise up to meet it. Our bodies weren’t designed to run at this level of work without rest, the constant notifications and endless to-do list spikes our anxiety levels and can leave us in constant near exhaustion and burnout. That’s the true cost.
Adding to this, we might even feel guilty for resting because we now feel we have to constantly be productive. If you’re not on your phone, whether you’re doomscrolling, on your banking app, chatting to friends or keeping up with the news – it’s designed to make it hard to put down and live in the moment. My understanding is that we sometimes don’t know how to be bored, how to sit with our feelings, how to look inwards at why we feel guilty about taking some time out that keeps us spinning the wheel, a hamster running round and round. When we rest it feels unproductive because there’s no reward in the same way as the little burst of confetti across the screen for hitting your step goal.
What does a healthier relationship with rest look like?
I would argue something like “restorative rest” where we are intentionally resting is what engages our parasympathetic nervous system allowing us to lower our stress, cortisol, promoting physical and mental wellbeing. As well as being essential to our bodies in other ways too (creatively, socially, emotionally and spiritually). We know that sleep is biologically necessary in order for our bodies to function, but restorative rest attempts to engage a range of strategies to help us recharge when sleep doesn’t feel like it’s enough.
Some example of restorative rest look like: breathing deeply, slow walking, connecting with nature, being creative or engaging in a hobby you’ve wanted to for a while. The importance is intention – attempting to put your nervous system in a state of “rest and digest” instead of high alert/survival state.
In the modern world where our culture seems to often view rest as laziness, a character flaw, not trying enough or as a judgement – do you think restorative rest would make a difference for you?
In my opinion, rest still feels scary! I’m getting used to the idea that I am allowed to take time off, it’s not earned it’s already something I deserve as a human being. It’s sitting with it while it’s uncomfortable that is allowing this change to take place, and knowing that rest is more than sleep, it’s more than a few hours before we get up and do our routine all over again. It’s quiet moments of joy, intentional moments and it matters.